Counting The Miles

The road I am traveling these days begs me to advance a new perspective. It has become clear to me that I am not gifted in foresight, as my expectations are misguided and I wake in disappointment when the world I open my eyes to, I am not looking at with open eyes. My eyes are shut tight and I’d rather not open them to face the miles left ahead. I romanticize the everyday occurrences, but are they romantic at all? If I am giving false light to truth, is it then false? What if my perception, bathed in romanticism, is leading me astray from reality and furthering my steps toward the life I dream, which is only a dream.

(For the sake of reputation, I edited out what I wrote after that last period. At the end of that paragraph, I did some questioning about relationships and after re-reading, it just sounded desperate and needy…so I hid it all.)

I have been given with the ability to travel a large amount lately, which I am thankful for, but its easy for the miles to wear your soles thin and leave you sitting in a Hampton Inn & Suites lobby at nearly midnight with a racing mind. Every day I get to live a dream that seems to inch me further away from the dreams I see from beneath the covers of my hotel bed sheets and stack of pillows which I burrow beneath every night. This duality evaporates my hope and leads me to a place where I am trapped inside my mind, on a lonely highway with nothing but a blur of lines and some mile markers passing me by.

However, I must journey on, because it is the task I have been charged with. With each mile, I will see a heart and find a smile. Hope will be renewed in the darkest depth of the night and the brightness of the morning’s glory will breathe redemption to my travels. There will be moments when my worth will be numb to the touch, as I leave what I love to do what I love, but I feel these moments will pass and value will be restored to my tired heart; with all I am, I believe there is hope in the road less traveled, so I travel on.

Flickr Update: 5/4/13

Caged Owl – Philadelphia, PA

I have been working hard to move forward with my photography/art recently and am very excited for the road ahead! I just posted a small update on my FLICKR account, so please check that out and add my page as a contact. After nearly a year of being broken, I just took my iMac to be repaired and also purchased a 1TB external HD, which is great as I move Flood The Hull forward and continue to establish myself within the arts community here in Nashville. Good things are in store and I couldn’t be happier right now!

Don’t forget to subscribe and to share the goodness with others!

-joel william

Endless Roads

It is Thursday, May 2nd 2013 and I am trying to gather my thoughts into a direction. I have been traveling around the northeast part of Texas throughout the last week doing school assembly demos and enjoying a change of pace. Though tired from the days, I took advantage of the gifts the open road handed to me; the chance to explore and visit my cousin and the love of his life he not long ago married. During every drive, I entertained day dreams and real dreams, but honestly, these days I’m not sure which one I am actually awake for. I dream of hopes, love, self-improvement, goals, missed loved ones and general forward motion but I open my eyes to see an endless road that must be traveled.

I am able to rest for the next few days, so I am currently doing that by sipping on Guatemalan coffee at The Well, listening to England In 1819, researching my artistic ambitions and trying to support artists whom I believe in and currently inspire me. Right now, I am inspired by my friend Vickie and her illustrations at Skyecolors. I love seeing every new illustration she posts and admire the work ethic and artistic vision she carries. I am also inspired by Joshua Dent, a cellist on a journey. I have never met Joshua, but I know I will and I’m inspired by his talent and endeavors. Go check out and back his Kickstarter so the world can hear his art.

During my short visit with my cousin, he said something that lingered on my mind after we said our goodbyes and I drove east. To summarize, he said that the key to owning your own business was to surround yourself with people who were more intelligent than you in each area. This is nothing new, but is quite profound as it rings true in many (if not all) areas of my life. In all I do, I seek inspiration to further my vision, so surrounding myself with inspiration is a crucial ingredient to success. I desire to give to those who inspire, as an inspiration that what they do is noticed, liked and supported. It’s a beautiful circle in which the arts community is woven together into a wonderful web of creativity.

I wasn’t sure where I was headed when my fingers met the keys, but I guess that I’m offering a challenge of sorts to continuously support what inspires you, especially if you are an artist. Give back to your community and help those around you reach their goals. I am trying to find my place in the Nashville art community right now and I am excited for the road ahead, no matter how endless it looks.

Eyes Looking To See

I seem to have forgotten my headphones, so by default I must entertain the surroundings at this coffeehouse tonight; the quick chatter of keyboards, joyful conversation, over-played indie music and talk of plans. While I don’t hate this environment by any means, I want to be inside my head right now, comforted by my every racing thoughts.

I turned 25 this past week, so naturally, I did some reflecting. My birthday evening, I sat alone on a tattered couch that was given to me, staring blankly at half-broken television I also received for free, wondering since the life I always thought I would have and the life I actually have never met, could I be happy?

The truth is, my life is nothing like I could have imagined or wished for, but I consistently sit back and just laugh about where I am. For instance, I now live less than a mile from someone I have looked up to since I was 14 and has been one of the biggest influences of my life, both on and off my bike. If that is not enough, not only do we live close, we hangout on a regular basis and I am proud to call him my friend. If you told me that 10 years ago I’d be here, I’d laugh and you’d be a liar. All that to say, I have no idea where my life is going and what I am meant to do. Each day seems to chip away at a master plan, a faded map of sorts and I try to figure out where to move my feet and rest my heart. I have also dealt with more hurt than I care to mention and situations that have kept my eyes open at night like an owl, hoping to find wisdom to see further into the darkness. I am learning every day and maybe one day I will share my findings, but for now I must learn. There is a reason for the delays I hate and the frustration that mounts, but one day all will be revealed in a brilliant display. I am learning to not process the motives of others (what I can never know) but respond in love, gently with compassion. There is a truthful beauty, that in complete brokenness, we heal and discover the wholeness we were created it. Personally, I believe this glorious completion is from our Creator, but I am not here to sway minds for some sort of skewed self-fulfillment, only speak what I have seen.

Some days my feet cry as I set course to an unknown destination, not knowing how long I must trudge along, but I have heard there is beauty in the struggle and there is hope to hold tightly to. It’s hard to merely absorb knowledge, never fully knowing what you actually know because you never share. It seems there is a process in which the passing on of knowledge, confirms it as such, but this is a time in my life where my mouth must remain closed and my eyes open to a world I never imagined I’d see in such a way. I have plans, but my plans fail and I am not who I thought I was. When my plans fail, I’m learning to press on and find joy in the disarray and peace in the unknown. This response will take a lifetime to speak, but I have a lifetime to spare.

“So never mind our plan making,
We’ll start living.“

hold.fast.hope
-joel william

The Art, Is I.

I draw crooked lines and spill water on my paper; my art is not perfect, but perfectly my art. I start without a plan, merely a feeling and an idea of what I hope to see in the borders of a frame. The over-analytical part of me blinds me to possibilities and potential, so I look to outside inspiration to finish what I cannot naturally finish. I find that I best create in times of seeking, understanding and growing but those are simply puzzle pieces to my picture. Instead of getting inside of my head and letting my thoughts chase their own tails, I escape and let my thoughts drift between paint and paper. Each painting is not a definitive feeling, nor will it convey a specific thought, but will be every fiber of who I am as an artist. The mistakes, the incomplete, the non-symmetrical, the unplanned, the mismatched colors, the rough edges, the faded finish…the art, is I.

This is my latest painting, finished last night and ready to be framed tonight. I will have prints available very soon in a range of sizes. Thanks for checking out my work!

Creating A Life

I grew a beard to disappear, changing the way I am seen and in turn, how I see myself.
Whiskey sips keeps me warm when blankets fail and the thought of turning up the heat in April remains absurd. I am sore, covered in cuts, bruises and scabs, some of which I can’t trace their origin, but they are here regardless. My hands are calloused and dry, fitting for a man wearing my lumberjack-like attire. Now sitting in The Well, a crowded coffeehouse in Green Hills, I browse a few blogs, send a few emails and try not to make plans, but rather make a life. Sigur Ros is especially comforting today and as I look around, everyone seems a bit happier when I see them with a soundtrack. I am now faced with the task of continuing to allow my time to be used in a productive manner, but sometimes I get lost.

I look at how often my life changes and as I plan, I realize I never plan on what the reality is, so how do I figure out what to do? In my case, in this case, I figure out who I am. There have been recent situations that have guided me to deep thoughts and motivated me to make a life to be proud of. Every movement of my life is going to lead somewhere and if I know how I move, maybe I can figure out where to go. I often reflect on the fact that I typically grow the most in hard times, which sometimes last a lot longer than I would have ever hoped for. This reality is encouraging to know that I can look back on my life and see clear happenings that played a huge part in molding my character and the life I would later live, but it is also discouraging, wondering how do I grow without inviting hurt into my life.

Lately I’ve felt a bit disheveled in thought and even more-so in appearance, striving to look like the artist I wish I was. (I have so many grand ideas on how I’d like to be seen.) To me, being an artist is the umbrella over my entire life, influencing how I interpret and how I am influenced. The eyes through which I see the world are artistic, be it BMX, photography, painting, music, writing and in all of those, I soak in my surrounding to create my life. There are times I wish I just did one particular thing and that is what I was known for, but I don’t. I do a wide range of things and love each one of them for their own reasons and how they impact my life. There have been those that are impressed with all that I do, but to me, it’s simply how I have to live. I go through so many seasons, each one defining my life into what it will be on the last day I breathe; the conclusion. As I look at my life, I think of the term “Jack of all trades, master of none.” and at times, that really bothers me because lets face it, I want to be a master at all I do. While it bothers me some of the time, it also inspires me and I feel thankful to have so many ways to express myself to so many different types of people. For instance, maybe someone who saw how I rode a bike wanted to ride a bike… or maybe someone who came to watch my band bought some drums and made their own music… or maybe someone who saw my photography looked at the world a little differently each day after… or maybe my writing connected with someone and they found a relationship with my words that made sense… or maybe my paintings pushed someone to not let the opinion of their ability hinder them from creating...

Or maybe…

Did I get a bit off topic? Possibly, I can’t really tell though, I’m just moving.

The Brightest

These are the days that our lungs inhale and we find ourselves lost in the exhale. There was a cold, spring rain that came to wash away my plans and while I stood there watching the brightest face fade into the shadows, the brake lights illuminated in the distance. The shiver in my bones was strong, but my feet found motion to warmth. “I will sleep for you” was my soft response and I will do only that.

There is a beauty in the way it doesn’t hurt to breathe today and a praise that rests on my tongue for the love I’ve been privileged to soak in. I waited during winter, but spring is here and there is a newness in the air that I must embrace. The seasons we sing may cease mid-song, but we must sing still. I was walking barefoot through the most soothing sand, basking in the sun and now I am buried, bare-chested in the snow. As I awoke from the promise I slept securely in, my eyes opened to proclaim the day to be beautiful and worthy of my attention.

The chapter I started to write, I can no longer hold, so it will rest peacefully, on hold. The signature at the closing was the most beautiful I’ve seen; inked in sincerity, bold in structure, flowing in the curves of the letters, as if it was dancing there on the page before my eyes and in the middle of it all was undeniable joy. I closed the chapter at 3am while whispering “It Is Well“, but I folded the corner of the page, knowing I will turn to read its wonderful words daily. There is a hope in my steps and there is a world before me that is searching for hope, so I must walk forward with head held high and eyes open to the colors painted for me to see because, it is well.